Any experience away from home is going to be terrifying.
This became especially true when I moved onto my college campus.
It is not so much that there is anything wrong with this campus, it is beautiful and most of my professors are great.
I however am not great. My roommate and I do not exactly connect and perhaps it is because of this that I hate my dorm room.
I am not all that great at making new friends as I panic when having to start a new conversation.
I have found that the struggle is in being myself.
The fact that I can finally relax knowing that I can leave is in a lot of ways sad to me but also enlightening.
College is a time to make lifelong friends and because I suck at making friends I know I should have surrounded myself with people I had already known.I am returning home, not necessarily a failure at being on my own but instead putting myself into a healthier situation for the sake of my mental sake.
I encourage the people on this campus to look at themselves and offer help to other because maybe if someone had my first semester would not have ended with me wanting to claw my eyes out.
I do not blame this school for my anxiety or my issues or for my wanting to leave.
But I do blame myself and the lack of connection with other people.
Other people have found ways to escape their anxiety problems...
Read ways to help:
www.escapeanxiety.com/blog/
Thursday, December 15, 2016
Little victories
Today I got out of bed.
That is a victory for me.
Today I went to most of my classes.
I find myself living a constant struggle to do everyday activities. It is in doing things that other people do with ease that I have to reward myself.
I finished a project.
And to a lot of people this will not seem like much. Let me tell you that there are some days I don't do a damn thing or even take care of my responsibilities and if I do not applaud myself for these small victories I don't think I ever would get out of bed again.
I have to coax myself to eat a meal and sometimes I only once a day if at all. Not because I am anorexic or dieting or wanting to lose weight... but what is the point of eating if I don't want to move anyway.
An important part of suffering from anxiety is that people understand how good it is to accomplish little things. Loving yourself when you are not whole is not an easy task believe me.
So celebrate the small things, it will give you the strength to accomplish things later on.
Enlightening books you may should read:
The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal
That is a victory for me.
Today I went to most of my classes.
I find myself living a constant struggle to do everyday activities. It is in doing things that other people do with ease that I have to reward myself.
I finished a project.
And to a lot of people this will not seem like much. Let me tell you that there are some days I don't do a damn thing or even take care of my responsibilities and if I do not applaud myself for these small victories I don't think I ever would get out of bed again.
I have to coax myself to eat a meal and sometimes I only once a day if at all. Not because I am anorexic or dieting or wanting to lose weight... but what is the point of eating if I don't want to move anyway.
An important part of suffering from anxiety is that people understand how good it is to accomplish little things. Loving yourself when you are not whole is not an easy task believe me.
So celebrate the small things, it will give you the strength to accomplish things later on.
Enlightening books you may should read:
The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal
How to fix yourself
There are many ways to calm yourself after an anxiety attack.
And if you or someone you know that has anxiety is against taking medication then this is the section for you.
Options that may help you include:
Writing- Write down your feelings just to get them out of your head and relinquish your body from negative thoughts
Paint: Splatter whatever you want onto a canvas to show yourself that your feelings are art and that you have beauty in your darkest time
Listen to music: music has amazing calming powers
Draw: scribbling on a page can do wonders for your worries
Call a friend: sometimes you just need a supporter who is not a trained professional.
Yoga: if it isn't your thing find a similar exercise that is
Exersice: releases endorphins that can in turn make you feel happy and less stressed
Guided meditation: will help you feel relaxed,find videos on youtube
Look up how other people felt better on these websites:
www.bbrfoundation.org/anxiety
www.queenscountymentalhealthsociety.org/
www.magnolia-creek.com/
And if you or someone you know that has anxiety is against taking medication then this is the section for you.
Options that may help you include:
Writing- Write down your feelings just to get them out of your head and relinquish your body from negative thoughts
Paint: Splatter whatever you want onto a canvas to show yourself that your feelings are art and that you have beauty in your darkest time
Listen to music: music has amazing calming powers
Draw: scribbling on a page can do wonders for your worries
Call a friend: sometimes you just need a supporter who is not a trained professional.
Yoga: if it isn't your thing find a similar exercise that is
Exersice: releases endorphins that can in turn make you feel happy and less stressed
Guided meditation: will help you feel relaxed,find videos on youtube
Look up how other people felt better on these websites:
www.bbrfoundation.org/anxiety
www.queenscountymentalhealthsociety.org/
www.magnolia-creek.com/
Lurking in the darkness
Information coming from: http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/symptoms/bad-thoughts
states that bad thoughts differ from disorder to disorder
states that bad thoughts differ from disorder to disorder
- Generalized Anxiety DisorderGAD is slightly different. These types of bad thoughts are all simply worries, and are often (although not always) triggered by the situation. For example, if you're out late you may worry that you'll get in trouble with your spouse if you don't rush home, or you'll worry about your talking to your boss tomorrow about your project.
- Panic DisorderThe bad thoughts in panic disorder are usually around health, or the fear of being unable to escape. Health fears are often fueled by basic knowledge, such as "I may have a heart problem" or "I have the symptoms of multiple sclerosis." Internet research often fuels these thoughts, and most come from trying to find a non-anxiety explanation for your symptoms.
- Social AnxietyThe bad thoughts in social anxiety are generally tailored to social faux pas. A person will have a severe fear of embarrassment, and may even imagine the worst happening to them in every social situation.
- It is most important to tell yourself these thoughts do not define you and if you need to seek out a counseling service to talk about them.
- Free online counseling can be found at:https://www.iprevail.com/chat_landing
The workshop
There are tons of ways to work with kids at any age on controlling their stress and anxiety.
In the workshop I did at the junior high I worked with a group of kids ranging from 11-14.
This age is really succeptible to emotional changes that can bring on a lot of stress and anxiety. I thought this was a good target age group because of how many new things they are about to face in the upcoming years of their life.
To begin with: the students in this workshop were those it was recommended to as well as some of their friends because nobody would want to sit in a boring room listening to someone talk with noone they were close with.
At the start of course the students were timid,so I first explained the point of my presentation as well as went through a powerpoint. I explained the warning signs of anxiety as well as told them about my story (my first post to this blog).
I feel like a lot of students connected with my story in that they felt the sort of stress I had faced and that it was not normal.
Then I presented to them a guided meditation video to relax them as well as encouraged them to seek out help from their counselor and parents.
For those students who were there just as support I told them they should try to be there for their friends and to check on them often. I also told those who were recommended to cut themselves some slack because they are at a difficult point in their life and I want them to live long happy lives.
Guided meditation:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vO1wPAmiMQ
In the workshop I did at the junior high I worked with a group of kids ranging from 11-14.
This age is really succeptible to emotional changes that can bring on a lot of stress and anxiety. I thought this was a good target age group because of how many new things they are about to face in the upcoming years of their life.
To begin with: the students in this workshop were those it was recommended to as well as some of their friends because nobody would want to sit in a boring room listening to someone talk with noone they were close with.
At the start of course the students were timid,so I first explained the point of my presentation as well as went through a powerpoint. I explained the warning signs of anxiety as well as told them about my story (my first post to this blog).
I feel like a lot of students connected with my story in that they felt the sort of stress I had faced and that it was not normal.
Then I presented to them a guided meditation video to relax them as well as encouraged them to seek out help from their counselor and parents.
For those students who were there just as support I told them they should try to be there for their friends and to check on them often. I also told those who were recommended to cut themselves some slack because they are at a difficult point in their life and I want them to live long happy lives.
Guided meditation:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vO1wPAmiMQ
Helping guard.
I spent some of my hours back in my home town working with the colorguard at my old highschool.
I had previously close ties to some of the girls on our team and I knew that some of them suffered from anxiety and at the age they are I know that they are about to become succeptible to so much more.
In working with the newer girls as well as the other members I had known previously I got to watch them learn ways that would potentially prevent them from reaching such terrible levels of stress and worry and hopefully they will be less likely to amount in thousands for medical bills.
In working with them,the techniques I used were practicing stretches that would relax their muscles as well as participating in yoga. I know it sounds cliche that yoga will help you relax but it isn't wrong... I first learned how much yoga helps through cheer practice when my coach had brought an instructor to work with us (on my behalf).
Then after we worked on those techniques I worked with them through their practice to help prevent the stress of learning their new work.
Finally once practice was over I went through a guided relaxation from a video found on youtube.
This will have a voiceover that will have you lay down and give different directions for you to follow and think about, this in turn causes your body to relax. After doing this exercise there was a lot of positive feedback from the students and I felt like I had done a great deed to them for opening their doors to this experience.
If you would like to watch or use one of these techniques here are a few links:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJbRpHZr_d0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoYnqvadurg
I had previously close ties to some of the girls on our team and I knew that some of them suffered from anxiety and at the age they are I know that they are about to become succeptible to so much more.
In working with the newer girls as well as the other members I had known previously I got to watch them learn ways that would potentially prevent them from reaching such terrible levels of stress and worry and hopefully they will be less likely to amount in thousands for medical bills.
In working with them,the techniques I used were practicing stretches that would relax their muscles as well as participating in yoga. I know it sounds cliche that yoga will help you relax but it isn't wrong... I first learned how much yoga helps through cheer practice when my coach had brought an instructor to work with us (on my behalf).
Then after we worked on those techniques I worked with them through their practice to help prevent the stress of learning their new work.
Finally once practice was over I went through a guided relaxation from a video found on youtube.
This will have a voiceover that will have you lay down and give different directions for you to follow and think about, this in turn causes your body to relax. After doing this exercise there was a lot of positive feedback from the students and I felt like I had done a great deed to them for opening their doors to this experience.
If you would like to watch or use one of these techniques here are a few links:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJbRpHZr_d0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoYnqvadurg
By yourself
Trigger warning.
It would be wrong of me to pretend that my days are always looking up in this blog.
There are plenty of times I find myself wishing I was no longer myself or in my body or in this life.
And to be honest those times happen more often than I care to admit.
I could not count on 20 hands the about of times I have thought about leaving this body for whatever kind of place comes after, I have already been living in hell.
I find that my problems stem when I am alone. Most often when I feel trapped. I am stuck on a campus that is a block, with no friends, and of course you could say that this is my fault because why do I not just leave?
I have no car, no socialization, and no will to live. It is like I find ways to be happy when I am with friends from USI (whom I call often) and when I am accompanying my significant other on countless adventures on some weekends (he lives 2 hours away) but as soon as they are gone I am falling apart once again.
I know socialization like that is only a bandaid sort of fix, it's never going to be permanent and I need to find a more longterm way to control where I am at but unfortunately whether it be my stubborn nature or my incessant worries of depending on a trip to a shrink or even medication I keep putting on bandaid after bandaid,
And I suppose you all might benefit if I was raw and real with you about how sad and lonely it is here, so that maybe I am not always pretending I am okay. I am just so use to guarding myself.
Anyway here is an instance that would pertain to my campus:
I was having a rough day, the
amount of stress I was under was enough alone to drive me over the edge. And it was
more than just college deadlines and finishing papers but I found myself in the
library finishing typing with tears down my cheeks because my body could no
longer handle the pressure. I
calmly rose from my spot and walked outside into the cold and sat on the ground
beside a bench in the dark. Perhaps
I did not look as distraught as I felt, but
with tear soaked sleeves I watched passerby after passerby walk by, physically
look at me, and not a single person asked if I was okay. I am
not in any way saying that this campus’s students lack common courtesy but I am
saying that if I had been to the point of suicidal and was thinking “if one
person would just ask if I am okay… I would
not end it tonight” that I would not be here to write this blog.
I know I am not the only to have dark times, and if you or someone you know is facing them you can contact a crisis hotline by:
TEXT “GO” TO 741741
or
Find blogs of others willing to help others:
anxiety-depression-support.tumblr.com/post/.../panic-in-the-heat-trigger-warning
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